The greatest maze ever scribbled sends a shaken echo in and out of all the places it used to emanate from.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thick and Thin
The drive is among the most beautiful one can take through Europe. Four wheels and a distended payload have never so happily struggled its way through mountains, valleys, and hairpin turns. There are very few places to stop and eat, though, so once we crossed the border, we navigated to the first trough we could find. There were more than enough choices to combat the painfully ubiquitous "Cold Cheese Sandwich" that occupies most of Europe's road stops, but being at the gartered thigh of "the boot" one leaps for what's local: pizza.
While I was waiting in line for my slices, I quietly observed all of the voices around me, mentally resetting my internals towards my strongest foreign language, Italian. I eavesdropped on people speaking Italian to help me remember phrases, but the loudest voices were coming from English speakers, too hard to ignore...even deep in character of my caricature. It was not just English, though, but thick, baudy, greasy, clattering Scottish voices. Real rough and tumble. Even the ladies, whose high voices ought to have been soothing counterparts to the combustion of the other mouths, sounded like gears grinding together. The other language being spoken was money. Commerce in this cafeteria was cut in two and divided equally: leave it to the italians to try and peddle a swindle, leave it to Scotland to rally for the cause of logic.
We were all lining up for pizza, and making our orders at the cash register. As intended, I pretended to not speak English so I wouldn't have to get involved or have to take part in empty commiseration with other foreigners. While it's really enjoyable to 'blend in' at some place that isn't your own, it was mostly so I could just watch it all happen. The first group, three young males, tried to order a "BEGG PITSUH. REET?? A BEGG WUN" and the painted cashier obliged "Ah, yaysse. A beeg-a Pizza. Hokay. Heighteen Uros." Eighteen euros was paid and the group of Scots waited patiently down-counter for their food to come out of the oven. I had ordered "Due trancii di Margherita, e un cafe" and efficiently followed the herd with my false identity intact. As they got further towards the end of the counter where one picks up their order, they seemed to take particular notice of the pricing signs in front of the various slices of pizza for sale: EU3.60 per slice. This is our moment of conflict. A man in the group with a particularly char-grilled eyebrow turned to his mates and said "ACH WAIT A MENNET. IF THOSE ER THREE SEXTY A POHP, AND OUR PIZZA IS AYTEIN YOOROAS, WE'RE GETTIN REPPED OFF. WHERE'S THE MATHS IN THAAA." -- Then there was mass confusion and panic as the message spread in the group, part gossip and part poison.
The woman responsible for delivering the orders came over and started asking who was waiting for slices. The scots queued with new determination -
"BEGG PITSUH! REET HEEYAR." The waitress had a look at the receipt and replied
"your teecket saysse you ownly orderred 4 slices, and that you've (pointing to another person) only ordered 3. Szo, 7 slices total?"
And the reply: "AYE, SHEEE HED THREE SLICES, BUT WEE HAD THE BEGG PITSUH, WE PAID FOR ET, 18 YOOROAS"
and the rebuttal "Ah boot, it sayse 'ere that you only have ordered 4 zlices"
and again "BUT WE PAIYDT AYTEIN."
--and so this continued back and forth until finally two pizzas of identical size emerged from the oven. One was sliced in to four, and delivered to those waiting for slices. The other was put in a box, cut in to 8, and given to the Scots, who were understandably vexed at the division of provision. Begrudgingly and with visual condemnation of the outcome, they accepted the begg pitsuh, but before they left grillbrow stepped forward to spek his peace - "LOOOUK. WE'VE PAID, IT'S ALRIGHT, BUT I JUST WANNA SEH WAN THENG. SLICES, THREE SEXTY A POHP, 4 SLICES EN THESS PITSUH, BUT IT'S 18 YOOROAS. SHE GOT THREE SLICES, 3.60 A POHP, SHE PAID 10.80. HOW EXAHCTLY DOES THA WERKK? IT'S OOT OF ORDERR."
He hands her his receipt. The woman, stared at the receipt and in a moment of deliquescent bureaucratic death, she looked up and said to the chef, in Italian, "He's right...this makes absolutely no sense." I was stunned. There are few people more stubborn than Italians, and i'm not sure any of the stereotypical warmth and compassion so typically applied to the Italian national identity stems from border dwellers in the north. So she turns to the supervisor, and says "what's going on with these pizzas? A large is the same size as one divided up for slices, and it costs twice as much, it doesn't make any sense."
For this glimmer second, of all the microcosms of upset people in the world, it looked like someone on the INSIDE was finally going to listen and deliver justice. I think everyone in line with any comprehension of English, Italian, or sympathy, was holding their breath in anticipation of this bid for recognition. The boss, and then the cook in turn, stepped to the microphone, so to speak, and responded.
"They are all crazy. Go tell them not to be crazy. Stop it. A slice costs what a slice costs, a pizza costs 18 euros, everybody knows that. Tell them to learn the rules."
In those Scots paying for that Pizza, one witnessed one of the faces on the many heads of the world, and it was saying: I know you're wrong, and I know i'm right, but I suppose it doesn't matter..." For a fleeting moment, rationality tried to battle governance, and endured a small victory. There was hope for the world (maybe just the pizza eating world)! Sadly, in the endgame of baked dough and melted cheese -- and perhaps more relevant for the world we're inheriting -- though, another "uprising" was wrapped up, sliced apart, and handed straight back.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Poisonous Nostalgia
Hey here is something I penned on a ferry to be seen on the music rag, Wheel Scene.
When you consume a great quantity of music at a great pace in a relatively great period of time, the standards by which you define "impactful" seem to change not only in their source, but also in their impact. You often hear people talking about "phases" is their life of listening to music -- "I'm having a techno phase" or "i'm so into prog right now" -- and truthfully, after a while that's what it's like. Stations of focus for the sake of a broader understanding of the waves that music make through time. There is a time in every persons life, though, where those waves are only just reaching our bows, and every pitch, yaw, and shudder that comes our way is a memorable one. By no means can I truly narrow this down, but here's a snapshot of a few high points:
Motorhead - On Parole
Listening to this record led me to the epiphany that there is room for a lot of finesse in otherwise bludgeoning and heavy music. This is far from the most violent and wild Motorhead record, but in the wrong hands, these songs could have been a lot worse off. Particularly, I focused on the drumming. If memory serves, the story goes that the original drum tracks on this record are by someone else, whose fate was sealed when his performance in the studio did no better than to track ink all over an invoice. WIth an unusable LP in their hands, Animal Taylor stepped in like rhythms' bespoke tailor and turned a potential mess into the crafty, flexible, swagger that Motorhead would blast into in the next decade (and beyond). So what does finesse have to do with impact? Well, it's important to have learned that force can be accompanied by craft. Even though it's the least iconic, I listen to On Parole more than any other Motorhead record (Overkill is actually my favourite, favourite), if only for the good graces and untamable, civilized, forcefulness of their playing. TRACK PICK: "MOTORHEAD" better than the s/t version imo
Soundgarden - Badmotorfinger
This is one of the first cassettes I ever bought that was a real rock band. I believe some member of my immediate or extended family preceded the ok'ing of this purchase by asking "this isn't some of that devil worshipper music is it?" Anecdotes aside, I was absolutely floored by hearing this record. I was lost in a sea of trying to figure out pre-teen and understanding how to get plugged into the things people were talking about and for some reason, buying this cassette made the most sense as a startup. I worshipped it and played it until the tape was transparent. Basically my whole introduction in to rock music (i discovered classic rock/punk etc well after this tape) was "Rusty Cage" and "Jesus Christ Pose." In fact I made my first friend in middle school (Carter Smith) when he walked up to me and asked "what are you into?" and I said "Soundgarden." In something that could have been cut dialogue from Repo Man he said, "Cool. Let's start a riot." Though, instead of turning the trash upside down, I went back to the record store...
TRACK PICK: "RUSTY CAGE"
Nirvana - In Utero
For someone my age (29) Nirvana will most always grace a list like this. They were just THE most important band you could imagine, and every record delivered. I had already heard 'Nevermind' at summer camp and was pretty hooked (also a fine cassette purchase), but this one came home with me on a solo mission to "Sam The Record Man" (a now gone-bust music institution in Toronto). After hearing this record, the rest of rock music made perfect sense. The one thing they all had in common is that they weren't as good as Nirvana. Heart Shaped Box was the most frightening thing I think i'd heard. Again, sort of coming back to force and finesse. I had no idea what he was saying, and even if I could read the lyrics, I don't think I then understood what they meant. It was incredibly loud, the drumming reaches Bonham territory...but it's also dynamic. All the info about Nirvana was distributed in magazines and TV, most of which I didn't have access too, so there were so many rumours and questions floating alongside every listen to colour the experience. This is still my fav Nirvana record, even though Incesticide is probably the more punk choice ha.
TRACK PICK: "TOURETTE'S" which at the time I thought meant "short stories about tour." I am naive.
Sex PIstols - Never Mind The Bollocks/Ramones - s/t
These two are a must, of course, and therefore get equal footing. Never Mind the Bollocks was the first punk record I ever bought (also on cassette). It was purchased on a school trip to Ottawa (Canada's capitol) in grade 9 (age 14). After I bought it, I went to the "IT STORE" and bought some orange hair dye in a spray can and came home a punk. I couldn't shower or else the dye would wash out, so I also came home smelling like garbage. Possibly also punk. TRACK PICK: "SUBMISSION"
The Ramones record was inherited from a good friend whom i'd often accused of being too "trendy." But when it came to liberating this classic punk album from a lot of inherited LPs, and saving it from certain trendy death, I suddenly didn't mind him being so on the up and up. My reaction to this record was monumental, and actually came in three waves over the next 10 years, each wave intensifying and reshaping my whole identity as a "punk," then a music fan, and then as a song writer. One of the most important records i've ever had the pleasure of listening to. TRACK PICK: "I DON"T WANNA WALK AROUND WITH YOU"
Infest - Slave
This is maybe an odd choice. Infest's first LP really doesn't have anything directly in common with the other picks on this list, and lets face it, you might not even know who this band is. They are a hardcore band from Southern California that were mainly active in the mid to late 80s, slightly inched in to the 90s, too. The reason this LP is on this list is because of my experience playing it for the first time. In any number of documentaries about the Ramones, there will be a section of talking heads discussing the first time they heard the s/t album. The reactions ranged from maniacal laughter to determination that they were listening to the greatest music ever recorded. In any scenario, though, people are flabbergasted and silenced by the new sounds they're hearing. I bought "Slave" in high school on the same day as my closest pal. We both brought our copies home to my place and rushed up to the stereo to break out this slab of wax that we'd been hearing about for so long, but had never heard. The wax whooshed silent for a few seconds as the groove started out and then Infest smashed through the wax for the most intense fifteen minutes of my life. I thought it must be a joke. The vocals were barked, the drums sounded like popcorn popping, it was SO fast...the guitars screamed out of control, the bass sounded like a bandsaw breaking, and tempos changed on what seemed like completely nonsense turns. My friend and I sat there SCREAMING with laughter throughout the whole thing until the run off grooves crackled away on "Fetch the Pliers." We wiped our eyes and caught our breath and then with all seriousness looked at each other and said "play it again." Infest is some of the most undeniable USHC ever produced, and all of their records are classic and crushing too. LP TRACK PICK: "HEAD FIRST" (NON LP PICK "JUDGE ME")
When you consume a great quantity of music at a great pace in a relatively great period of time, the standards by which you define "impactful" seem to change not only in their source, but also in their impact. You often hear people talking about "phases" is their life of listening to music -- "I'm having a techno phase" or "i'm so into prog right now" -- and truthfully, after a while that's what it's like. Stations of focus for the sake of a broader understanding of the waves that music make through time. There is a time in every persons life, though, where those waves are only just reaching our bows, and every pitch, yaw, and shudder that comes our way is a memorable one. By no means can I truly narrow this down, but here's a snapshot of a few high points:
Motorhead - On Parole
Listening to this record led me to the epiphany that there is room for a lot of finesse in otherwise bludgeoning and heavy music. This is far from the most violent and wild Motorhead record, but in the wrong hands, these songs could have been a lot worse off. Particularly, I focused on the drumming. If memory serves, the story goes that the original drum tracks on this record are by someone else, whose fate was sealed when his performance in the studio did no better than to track ink all over an invoice. WIth an unusable LP in their hands, Animal Taylor stepped in like rhythms' bespoke tailor and turned a potential mess into the crafty, flexible, swagger that Motorhead would blast into in the next decade (and beyond). So what does finesse have to do with impact? Well, it's important to have learned that force can be accompanied by craft. Even though it's the least iconic, I listen to On Parole more than any other Motorhead record (Overkill is actually my favourite, favourite), if only for the good graces and untamable, civilized, forcefulness of their playing. TRACK PICK: "MOTORHEAD" better than the s/t version imo
Soundgarden - Badmotorfinger
This is one of the first cassettes I ever bought that was a real rock band. I believe some member of my immediate or extended family preceded the ok'ing of this purchase by asking "this isn't some of that devil worshipper music is it?" Anecdotes aside, I was absolutely floored by hearing this record. I was lost in a sea of trying to figure out pre-teen and understanding how to get plugged into the things people were talking about and for some reason, buying this cassette made the most sense as a startup. I worshipped it and played it until the tape was transparent. Basically my whole introduction in to rock music (i discovered classic rock/punk etc well after this tape) was "Rusty Cage" and "Jesus Christ Pose." In fact I made my first friend in middle school (Carter Smith) when he walked up to me and asked "what are you into?" and I said "Soundgarden." In something that could have been cut dialogue from Repo Man he said, "Cool. Let's start a riot." Though, instead of turning the trash upside down, I went back to the record store...
TRACK PICK: "RUSTY CAGE"
Nirvana - In Utero
For someone my age (29) Nirvana will most always grace a list like this. They were just THE most important band you could imagine, and every record delivered. I had already heard 'Nevermind' at summer camp and was pretty hooked (also a fine cassette purchase), but this one came home with me on a solo mission to "Sam The Record Man" (a now gone-bust music institution in Toronto). After hearing this record, the rest of rock music made perfect sense. The one thing they all had in common is that they weren't as good as Nirvana. Heart Shaped Box was the most frightening thing I think i'd heard. Again, sort of coming back to force and finesse. I had no idea what he was saying, and even if I could read the lyrics, I don't think I then understood what they meant. It was incredibly loud, the drumming reaches Bonham territory...but it's also dynamic. All the info about Nirvana was distributed in magazines and TV, most of which I didn't have access too, so there were so many rumours and questions floating alongside every listen to colour the experience. This is still my fav Nirvana record, even though Incesticide is probably the more punk choice ha.
TRACK PICK: "TOURETTE'S" which at the time I thought meant "short stories about tour." I am naive.
Sex PIstols - Never Mind The Bollocks/Ramones - s/t
These two are a must, of course, and therefore get equal footing. Never Mind the Bollocks was the first punk record I ever bought (also on cassette). It was purchased on a school trip to Ottawa (Canada's capitol) in grade 9 (age 14). After I bought it, I went to the "IT STORE" and bought some orange hair dye in a spray can and came home a punk. I couldn't shower or else the dye would wash out, so I also came home smelling like garbage. Possibly also punk. TRACK PICK: "SUBMISSION"
The Ramones record was inherited from a good friend whom i'd often accused of being too "trendy." But when it came to liberating this classic punk album from a lot of inherited LPs, and saving it from certain trendy death, I suddenly didn't mind him being so on the up and up. My reaction to this record was monumental, and actually came in three waves over the next 10 years, each wave intensifying and reshaping my whole identity as a "punk," then a music fan, and then as a song writer. One of the most important records i've ever had the pleasure of listening to. TRACK PICK: "I DON"T WANNA WALK AROUND WITH YOU"
Infest - Slave
This is maybe an odd choice. Infest's first LP really doesn't have anything directly in common with the other picks on this list, and lets face it, you might not even know who this band is. They are a hardcore band from Southern California that were mainly active in the mid to late 80s, slightly inched in to the 90s, too. The reason this LP is on this list is because of my experience playing it for the first time. In any number of documentaries about the Ramones, there will be a section of talking heads discussing the first time they heard the s/t album. The reactions ranged from maniacal laughter to determination that they were listening to the greatest music ever recorded. In any scenario, though, people are flabbergasted and silenced by the new sounds they're hearing. I bought "Slave" in high school on the same day as my closest pal. We both brought our copies home to my place and rushed up to the stereo to break out this slab of wax that we'd been hearing about for so long, but had never heard. The wax whooshed silent for a few seconds as the groove started out and then Infest smashed through the wax for the most intense fifteen minutes of my life. I thought it must be a joke. The vocals were barked, the drums sounded like popcorn popping, it was SO fast...the guitars screamed out of control, the bass sounded like a bandsaw breaking, and tempos changed on what seemed like completely nonsense turns. My friend and I sat there SCREAMING with laughter throughout the whole thing until the run off grooves crackled away on "Fetch the Pliers." We wiped our eyes and caught our breath and then with all seriousness looked at each other and said "play it again." Infest is some of the most undeniable USHC ever produced, and all of their records are classic and crushing too. LP TRACK PICK: "HEAD FIRST" (NON LP PICK "JUDGE ME")
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